Showing posts with label humorous. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humorous. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Reference Point

Several years ago I had the misfortune to work with these really fat women. We were crammed into a small security center monitoring crap like freezers for Marks. The Marks managers were, in many cases, total asses. Every time we'd call one of these losers to tell them their stupid freezer was taking a shit on them they act as if we called them just to rouse them out of their day dreaming of a better life.

Anyhow, these fat broads.. all heifers, would eat pizza and drink milk shakes all throughout the shift while telling me how disgusted they were in themselves for looking like buffaloes. They should have seen what I had to look at for eight hours a day!

Eight freak'n hours of this crap can seriously warp a man's mind! I use to run home to look at porn so that I could remember what the hell a woman is suppose to look like!

So here you go guys (and any freaky women reading this) here is what the hell a woman is SUPPOSE to look like.. just in case you're dating, or God forbid, are married to a buffalo.

You're welcomed.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

President Obama and The Other Man

(Click on image to enlarge)
Black Country Communion Live Over Europe Performing "Cold"
Black Country Communion was formed in Los Angeles, California by Glenn Hughes of Deep Purple fame. Also included is drummer Jason Bonham, keyboardist Derek Sherinian and the fabulous guitarist and vocalist Joe Bonamassa. It's classic hard blues rock with some of the best people in the industry! Check them out here.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Three Things You Need to Know about a Potential Lover

If you're a woman looking for a male companion these are the first three things you need to know about him:
1. Does he have a job?
2. How much does he earn?
3. Will he hand over his check to me?

If you're a man looking for a female companion these are the first three things you need to know about her:
1. Her cup size
2. Is she a good conversationalist? (as in does she keep her mouth shut until asked otherwise and does she know when the hell to shut up?)
3. Does she give head?

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Internet Manure

I sought to publish, Saving the World One Bum at a Time, via EzineArticles.com but some nincompoop over there doesn't understand it is a HUMOROUS piece not meant to carry a big load of crap with it to sell anything or "inform" anyone of anything.

Now you tell me how many times have you've come across those asinine articles that say nothing in the stupid attempt to get you to click on the lame link at the bottom of the page? You've seen them... the "author" bragging about what he supposedly has done to save the world from leeches like him/herself.

Do we really need MORE of that manure?

With that in mind, Saving the World One Bum at a Time, was written purely to entertain.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Sunday, December 27, 2009

My God!


Every year at this time we are all subjected to the whims and cries of atheists who cry foul over the worship of "Jesus" and the belief in God. Personally, I find this completely asinine and the work of ignorance on both sides of the debate.

For the Christians, they are so busy trying to convince everyone that not only are they correct in their belief but that everyone else outside their immediate sect is wrong. They want to desperately believe that they and they alone possess the Holy Grail of Ultimate Knowledge and to the hell with the rest of us.

As pathetic as many Christians are the atheists are worst. They want to convince everyone that there is no God. That when we die that's it. There is no point to anything. Oh sure they will say things like life is all about being good to one another, or it's about this or that. Many atheists have this fantastic scenario worked out in their brains. However, if you take out the eternity thing you end up with nothing but a handful of poo. Because ultimately, to an atheist, it's like being gay.. life is all about masturbation. In the case of the atheist it's a mental masturbation. This notion leads us to no where. And, it's stupid. It's stupid because it doesn't serve the larger good.

Now back to the Christian. Because Christians gain their ideas from the "Holy Bible" and none of them seem to agree to what it tells them they all are messed up as well. They don't really understand the Bible. They are incapable of seeing how ridiculous much of it is if taken literally.

For example, we are told in the New Testament that Jesus came about because of the "Holy Spirit". A rather vague character to say the least. We are told to believe that it wasn't old Joe who tapped Mary but rather this Spirit dude.

Problem with this nonsense is we are also told Jesus was of the seed of David. Mmmmm... Joseph was "of the seed of David" as well. Now the plot thickens. What we are looking at here is that Joseph jumped the gun and knocked Mary up before he was ALLOWED to. Joe was of a priesthood class and was only in the first stages of his marriage to Mary. The Jews love to drag these things out and Joe wasn't of mind to wait for his bride! So here we see how the scriptures attempt to, and in many cases succeed to, mislead us.

Another example of how messed up the bible is we are further told an angel said the boy was to be named "Jesus". We have no idea why a Jewish boy would be given a Greek name but there you are all the same. We're also not told what the name means. Whereas elsewhere we're told he is to be called Emmanuel. And every Christian will be quick to point out it means, "God with us". Now that we know is a Jewish thing. Just as the Jews back in those days loved to number everything. Perhaps the most famous being "666" because every pervert and low life loves to scribble those numbers on his or her ass. But turn it around and we have "999":

"The number 999 is the reverse of 666, the number of the Beast of the Revelation (Apocalypse). This arithmetical strangeness demonstrates that the "power" of the Beast, 666, will be "reversed" by 153, characteristic number of the Christ, to give as result 999, symbol of the application of the divine justice. Thus Satan will be chained for 1000 years, 999 + 1." http://www.ridingthebeast.com/numbers/nu999.php

All of which causes the atheists to throw up their hands in dismay and seek a world without God.
Atheists can not logically explain the joy that fill many Christians thought patterns. They also can not explain the amazing changes we often see in people who say they have come to accept Christ. What the atheists do not grasp is that the more they insist there is no God the more empowered Christians feel in saying there IS a God. Like children tugging back and forth over a treat, the atheist and the believer are locked together. One without the other risk losing the identity they both struggle so hard to create. It is a truly maddening situation.

In the end, both sides need to chill. The atheist may be in bliss in his or her belief in nothing.. go for it. And the Christian may be in total joy in his or her belief in a Supreme Being.. again, go for it. It doesn't matter what I believe or don't believe in. My "soul" is mine, my destiny is also mine. The choices I make, one way or the other, are mine. Believer or non-Believer ultimately doesn't matter. The vast majority of people (read ALL) can not save themselves much less the rest of us. Whether I suffer in Hell or rise to the Glory of God doesn't mean a thing to you no matter how much you protest otherwise.

As much as we may love others, feel compassion for those people dotted throughout our lives, ultimately it's all about "us". It's all about "you." Because when you die you will own the moment, the experience will be yours. Your consciousness will be the last thing racing through your brain. Therefore, no matter what you believe, or do not believe, guard your own consciousness well and let others live as they chose to believe.