Welcome to Your New Life

So you say you're graduating college and now you're anxious to get your career and "new life" underway. You're looking forward to getting away from, really getting away from, those "old" folks who call themselves your parents but who never seem to really understand you at all.

You've suffered through 12 years of public school and maybe 2 to 4 years (or more) of college, freedom isn't around the corner, now it's clearly in site!

Well, hold your horses. The pain isn't over. In fact, it's just beginning.

Your first year on the job will blow up a lot of your illusions. But hey, it's only your first year right? There's better to come. After all, you're looking for a long career and only Lord knows where the years will take you. Well, the Lord and in all modesty.. me.

It isn't going to be a picnic.

After year one comes year two then year three. You'll be lucky to be employed not only by the same company three years from now but employed in your chosen field at all! And once you're busy slaving away at what you've been learning all these years.. which isn't necessarily what you think it is... you've actually been taught how to be a GOOD SLAVE... all sorts of things begin to happen in your life and in your head.

If you haven't already done so, then you may fall in love. Then comes the baby or babies. And all of the responsibilities that entails. Now things get really "interesting". Job, family, job, family, job, family. Slowly you and your better half find yourself drifting apart, pursuing other interests whenever you can find the time. And there's the haggling and arguments over finances, always a hungry third party of any marriage. Not to mention all of the unwanted "advice" by well meaning (?) in-laws.

Oh yeah, you're new life is going swell!

Then one day, after years of banging your head against the wall meeting the needs of needy employers you look in the mirror and wonder what the hell ever happened to YOU. Now you're the parent struggling to understand the brats you're putting through college, sweating over how you're going to pay for everything. But you're still hopeful. One day you're going to retire and if your employer doesn't rip you off and if you can keep the government out of your pocket long enough, and if your kids don't drive you to drink and drugs, you'll be able to retire!

Ah yes, so don't sweat that first year of hell on the job, there's 29 more to come and then one day, yes one day, you'll finally be able to settle down into that New Life you've been wanting all along.

That is, if you don't croak along the way.

Don't Shake Moe's Hand

Moe, of The Moe Radio Show on Q92, is a fat bastard by his own admission. Well, I dressed it up some.. but he does says he’s a fat "dude". He looks disgusting naked (again, by his own admission) but he likes his women "hot". They are always "hot" never, "a great looking woman."

Moe tells us he’s a selfish guy. He’s also rude as hell to anyone whom he doesn’t agree with. This sort of crap is very popular among most of the fools who ring him up on the radio. Even those half-wits who call to cuss him out when they know full well he’s going to bash their brains out with screaming and fuming. It’s ridiculous really. But I’m stuck listening to this guy rant about his fat ass and stupid opinions because my co-workers like to listen to him so they can ridicule nearly everything he says.

For example, Moe claims he just doesn’t understand guys who aren’t trying to lay every "hot girl" they can get their hands on. He admits to having sacked XX number of women in his short demented life. I’ve heard other fat guys brag like this but hey, Moe may well be on the level. I doubt though these "hot women" are after him because he’s on the radio! We all know people who make being on the radio a career are on the radio for a reason.. their voices are their best feature, if you know what I mean. I suspect these women are either high or drunk or both. You know near closing time everything looks "doable".. even guys like Moe I guess. "Hot women" doesn’t necessarily mean, "intelligent women."

Years ago I dated a woman who had it all going for her; big breasted, shapely figure and a face with sleepy eyes that just seemed to beg for it. In Moe’s terms she was "hot". But along with the promise of a good time came a nightmare of emotional highs and lows and what can only be termed "insanity unbounded".

For example, DeeDee (not her real name but I don’t want her looking me up with a freak’n suicide vest strapped to her big boobs), once dragged me out to the boondocks kicking, screaming and protesting to meet "Don Johnson", the actor. In her warped mind this hillbilly living in a beat up mobile home was "Don Johnson". Now he never said he was Don Johnson, she simply had convinced herself he was the famed actor. He looked nothing like Don Johnson! I’m talking NOTHING LIKE HIM AT ALL!

I remember taking one look at this drunk in a dirty T-shirt standing in the doorway of this trashed out mobile home, turning around, cussing DeeDee out and jumping in my car I left her with him way out in hillbilly land never to look back!

So much for "hot women" Moe, you freak’n retard. All any man needs is ONE good woman, everything beyond that simply makes you a pig. It’s quality that counts most in life, not quantity.

Recently Moe had a run in with a guy in a lavatory. The "old guy" as Moe put it, challenged him for not washing his hands after "going number 1". So for 15 minutes (or so it seemed) Moe ranted on how he washes his "junk" (again, Moe’s term for it) BEFORE he takes a piss! LOL LOL, what a knothead! Every two-year-old knows to wash his hand AFTER taking a piss but here’s lady-killer Moe telling us he washes his pecker BEFORE he takes a piss!

So let’s take a step back here for a minute and access the situation: A fat guy with strong sexual fantasies on the verge of total perversion who doesn’t wash his hands after taking a piss – every "hot" woman’s dream I’m sure.

But consider this: the guy is a Disc Jockey sitting on his fat, sweaty ass all day. Anyone who ever had to work next to a fat sweaty guy knows that’s not good. They stink. They stink because they’re constantly sweating. They stink because they tend to carry shit and piss in their underwear (you can smell it I’m not making this stuff up). And now Moe tells us proudly that he doesn’t wash his hands after handling his "junk"… OH MY FREAK’N GOD!

If not for the laughter in my office as this moron rant on about the "old dude who should be dead" criticizing him for his lack of class I think I would puke!

Now imagine this, knowing all of this about Moe, you walk up to him and he sticks his hand out to shake your hand. Do you accept it?

Why Ice Land Sucks: What's in a Name?

Ice Land is really beginning to piss me off. Not only do they have the gull to pollute most of Europe with a volcano eruption but with those ridiculous sounding names you can’t even cuss the bastards out properly.

In China every other person is named "Lee". Every third person is named "Yang". These are names we can handle. But try "Yokuyiolanoddurandnf god dammit" and you end up with a mouthful of shit.

Even the late, great, Jun Fan Yuen Kam had the good sense to give us a name we all can handle; Bruce Lee. But of course, only a fool would have cussed Bruce Lee out by any name.

Shut Up A-Holes, you ain't done anything yet!

Working in America today sucks. Most of us know this. But the blind young A-holes coming up may not fully understand how much they are being cheated. But then again, they haven't done anything to deserve anything better either!

When I hear these young assholes cry in their beer I can't keep my mouth shut. I let them know that their generation hasn't done a damn thing yet. They haven't even earned the right to complain about us old farts! Mostly they should keep their mouths shut and swallow.

Take the Internet for example, today's twenty-year-olds fell into it. It wasn't their generation that invented it. No, it was us "old farts" that done the deed.

Cars, again, twenty-year-olds haven't had a damn thing to do with inventing that either. Those old bastards older then me did that one.

Look at the asinine clothes these kids wear, nothing new there either. Some old bastard has made all that trash possible as well.

How about all that crap on these young girl's face? They didn't invent that mud either.

Twenty-year-olds didn't invent the ink running in their veins, polluting their bodies with toxins in the form of "tats" either. Hell, that one was invented centuries ago!

And thinking of tats I have to laugh when some young moron calls that shit "art". LOL LOL.. under-educated nitwits! Norman Rockwell done art.. what you have scribbled all over your hide are freak'n CARTOONS ya knotheads!

Just too damn funny to think how much these young folks just don't understand. Why hell, if it wasn’t for all of their give-it-to-me-cause-I’m-too-stupid-to-earn-it attitude we wouldn’t have that half-wit in the White House running our country into the toilet day-after-day.

Enough said, I’m out of here. Us old farts need our sleep so we can wake up refreshed for yet another day of bitch’n.

Have a good day. :O/

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